Main Entry: rhi·no·plas·ty Pronunciation: 'rI-nO-"plas-tE Function: noun Inflected Form(s): plural -ties : plastic surgery on the nose usually for cosmetic purposes
Contrary to popular AH-BENG/SENG/LENG/TENG/KEONG/LEONG/TING/TONG/ETC It's not meant to make you look like this...
With all the big hoo haa going on about all things plastic of current I just feel that this whole thing has totally hit the fan and spiralled out of proportion. Anyways I won't go into the whole ethical side of the issue. My close friends should probably know my stand on it by now. Instead let us poke fun at the whole thing and have a good laugh out of it. If I had my way, I'd probably be born as a Pan-American-Asian version of Brad Pitt. Nicely chiselled jaw line, beautiful blue eyes, blond hair, perfect nose, nicely widened pectorals, six pack...all that and have the versatility of growing a goatee without the fear of looking like an escaped convict straight out of Changi Prison.
Here's the story of one of my good friends, Felicia. She's 21 years young, slim, beautiful hair, very pretty and exceptionally attractive. However something's just missing right now. She can't really seem to put her finger on it. I however reckon a visit to good old resident local rhinowork expert Woffles Wu should just put things in perfect aesthetic harmony for her. She looks like this now. Not bad ah? So sexy some more.
BUT!
To improve on things, she wants this to be done. Bigger eyes, evenly balanced dimples and a sharper nose. Think cleopatra, but much prettier. HECK JUST THINK OF BEAUTY FOR GOODNESS SAKES'. However the lack of those super advance software where you can input an old picture of yourself and see how you look after being "Woffle-Lized", just makes us resort to more primitive means. We do have a picture. But upon our instructions she did the adjustments on her own...physically of course.
May I present to you the new Felicia. Bigger Eyes, Even Dimples, Sharper Nose.
I also want to be like that. Thankfully for me I didn't have to subject myself to such an ordeal, instead I had our inhouse artist do an impression of the future for me. Upon making payment and being "Woffle-Lized". I should...I say again should look something like this. Sigh...I wish I wish I wish.
Thanks for that Albert.
Anyway in order non-rhino news, I took my precious flowery guitar to school with me today. Which of course brought about tonnes of kodak moments. Mara the RAWKSTARRRR! Photoshopped by your's truly of course.
Well I took her...my guitar, not Mara, over to Byden's place right after school. There I spent the next few hours recording a couple of tasty riffs, licks and what have yous. I'm pretty pleased with the result since we took so long to get the sound card working. LOL! But it's all good! I'm very happy with the results we achieved today. I only hope that I can come as close as possible to materializing the exact same vision that he has in mind.
I'm going to watch a movie tomorrow, needless to say the excitement in brewing in me, not for the movie of course.
Sometimes I wished that at this time of year my parents would just celebrate their birthdays on the same day. It would just make the whole logistical nightmare of planning much easier on me. (6 People packed like sardines in a car meant for four is not my idea of fun, and of course who can forget all the squabbles we have with regards to deciding the location) But then again at this time of year, in addition to the above mentioned, I feel the strain on my wallet and its very limited finances being drained a lot!
Anyways Dad's birthday went pretty well. All well except for the cake though. I bought it somewhere in the early afternoon, brought it over to the shop chilled out with my folks and then did some errands for them. After that we headed to holland village for XO Fish Noodles. All this time the cake sat alone, untouched in the boot of my Dad's vintage. How's that for cold comfort.
We brought it home, the chocolate cake resembled that of a scene out of a landslide. I didn't take any pictures though. But we did get a shot of most of us. The lack of flash makes us look like the friggin' simpsons.
What's with the hat? you might enquire. My sister got it for Dad as some leisure sort of driving hat. Possibly for him to pretend to look cool when he's cruising the streets in the vintage.
Anyways I headed straight to town today right after school determined not to let the landslide cakery event happen again. I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in a puddle of my own drool collected on my shirt. BEST BUY. Headed straight to bakers inn. I have no idea why on earth they changed their name. It sounds so horrid to me now that they have. Bakerzin or something like that if my memory serves me accurately.
I headed back down to the shop only to interupt my Dad as he gave Mother her presents. A Bonsai, A bottle of perfume and a card.
We all surprised Mother by turning off all the lights, lighting up the cake and singing her a song as she came back from her dinner. Yes I know it might be unoriginal, but mothers love that factor of sweetness. This time it's all of us, still yellow nonetheless.
I guess my propensity to blog somewhat fluctuates. I apologize to the folks who come here and have to go through the agony of looking at my same silly picture for days on end. I can go sometimes 7 days in a row, with a post for each and every single passing day. But lately so much shit has been going down in my life. It's been hard even to take a short breather and appreciate the smell. My maid left a couple of weeks ago. Most probably it's been about 3. I keep track from the number of days I have to take out the trash. The demographics of my family is such, me and my sis are already in our 20s, my younger bro and other sis are in their late teens. There's not much to do in terms of pesky childcare. But with 6 people and sometimes 8, when of course my bro's girlfriend and my sis' boyfriend decide to make a cameo appearance in my everyday life, that equates to a hell lot of cleaning. I wouldn't say I'm spoilt or pampered or whatever, given the fact that most Singaporeans have a maid, I wouldn't go as far as to say that everyone's spoilt. More appropriately put, it's just like army everyday.
Area Cleaning once I get up in the morning. I take out the trash, sweep the floor, wash the clothes, dammit the list is never ending. I can do most every single household chore. Everything except ironing, which of course is the explanation for the crumpled state of my tshirts these days. I've also come to realize that my wardrobe for everyday school going probably consists of the same old cycle since semester one.
Either I start dyeing my shirts different colors or go get some new threads.
Housework gets tiring and discouraging too. Especially when you’ve already washed the clothes hung them out to dry and suddenly mother decides to make Sambal Kang Kong without closing the windows making my clothes smell like HEI BEE HIAM!
In other news, I’ve discovered the joys of multitracking with PC! Yes I was introduced to a program called Audacity by my neighbor Robyn. It’s completely free, and it allows you to record as well! Well in case you have no idea WTF multitracking means…essentially you can record sound on sound. It’s like you can record a rhythm, and then record a solo, your sister screaming, your dog barking, your parents nagging…etc, All happening simultaneously. I’ve got loads of material waiting to be recorded. One of my ideas is such, I’m going to record a conversation filled with irritating squeaky squeals from my either my female friend or an everyday escalating dinner time quarrel between members of my family. And then transcribe every single tonality of the human voice and play along to it with a Wah Wah pedal and loads of distortion!
Well I’ve taken on a new student in my “bluff your way through electric guitar 101” program. This person is none other than Isa. I used to teach loads last time, but my patience sort of dies down after a while. Everyone is so concerned about learning songs. Or learning how to sound like this player or that player kind of thing. I mean if you wanna learn a song, just go get the notation or tab from the plethora of information available online, take some time and learn it. Why pay someone to teach it to you?
In addition to Isa’s passion for noise on the electric guitar he’s also going to be featured in Singapore’s Seventeen magazine as some Flavor of the month! So HAM-SUM right!
Anyways Isa eats with his hands. I’m totally cool with it, but Josh likened the whole experience of watching him in the cafeteria to a program on national geographic.
Well there was a silly idea the other day at school to dress up formally for class. It was all part and parcel of some interview thing we had to do for our Career Management module. I’m fine with dressing up and all. But walking around with a graying white shirt from the copious amounts of sweat plus all the people thinking I’m some lecturer is not my idea of fun. Anyway my interview went ok. All ok except for a few silly questions my lecturer threw at me.
Lecturer: “Well Christopher your credentials seem most suited for the job”
Me: “Well thank you, I am very pleased to hear that to say the least”
Lecturer: “Only one thing, how can you assure me that your enthusiasm and passion for what you do will hold in the future?”
Me: * Long dreadfully uncomfortable silence *
However what I was thinking at the time was how bloody damn uncomfortable, sweaty and hot I was. I wanted to teleport back home, switch on the aircon and dip my entire self in a bathtub full of nice warm water. I’m not quite sure why I had a closed mouth syndrome the moment that question came along. I guess I just didn’t anticipate something like that. I would consider myself much of a talker, more aptly put; a Bullshit Expert. I went in there totally unprepared. My only form of preparation was research on sales figures for the company I was applying for.
Nevermind.
Anyways this is what Me and Jenetta looked like on that day.
I tried my very best to be a good student today. After my chores I headed down to the library with the intention to study for economics. But bloody hell, only when I got there did it daunt upon me that this is Singapore. The country where the international code of silence in all libraries is considered null and void. I got a nice place to sit, took out my books, started to study…only to be accompanied by screaming noises and running footsteps of children.
There's a slight bit of a time lag on this post. Yes I've been somewhat falling behind on my blogging of late. I don't really know what has come over me, it's like I tell myself I want to blog and all, but at the end of the day I question the relevance of the words I put here. Is really what I saw over here of importance to you? Or do you just come here to look at pictures? I bet it's the latter. I could say something like you're father wear panty and it wouldn't matter to the general sample of my readership.
ANYWAYS.
Let's talk about my weekend shall we.
As promised I brought my dear market value friend Olivia to beach road to get some supplies. She wanted to go as a hottie of a policewoman for her Halloween party. The clothing she got from another place, stuff like a black shirt and short skirt which resembled more of a big belt if anything. But for the real deal, stuff like badges, police hats, and the like; there's no other place like beach road! Go there lookinga civilian and come out looking like some lean (well maybe not...), mean special forces machine! We even got a name tag for her. She's been christened Bambi Lee on her name tag. Other than of course reminiscing in NS and other crap, I had the wonderful food of Beach Road Hawker!
THE BEEF NOODLE IS DAMN HAPPENING! But I must say not as happening as my friend Olivia's nose gold. So happening I ordered a 6 dollar bowl complete with extra tendon and all that other nonsense parts like stomach, liver and the like.
Also in the vicinty is Golden Mile Complex. I felt as if I had a bad dream and woke up in Ma Boon Krong in Bangkok. The place looks just like it, complete with Thai Signs and people, feels like it, relax slack jack type of atmosphere and HECK even smells like it! I walked around for a bit, it's pretty weird though, I only went there as a kid because there was a shop that sold firearms. I needed to repair my H&K Mp5 BB Gun, little did I know BB Guns were banned in Singapore. Anyways it's probably a place I would never go to under any circumstance, but I just had to go check it out to see what it's like. In the adjacent building also named Golden Mile something, I actually discovered something. That place is filled with all of those "VIETNAMESE MAIL ORDER BRIDES" Thingies! Pasted on all the front windows are the mismatched couples. Pretty funny actually. Some of them are actually pretty good looking, but the singaporean men...sigh. I actually saw a newspaper headline which was pasted on the window.
It read: VIETNAM MEN WEAK BIRD, SINGAPORE MEN STRONG ROOSTER.
Sure or not?
It made me sick just reading that crap.
Anyways we decided to walk all the way from beach road to bugis mrt. There are so many nice little stores there to check out. In particular it's that costume store near Arab Street. But before I move along to that let me show you something really disturbing I chanced upon on the way there. It's a restaurant/bar sort of setup, outside there's a fountain sort of, inside the fountain laid this... Well I really wanted to go for Halloween this year, only on the condition that I could find a hot dog suit. Checked my last ditch option at Arab Street but it was hotdog to no avail.
It's really weird how things work out. Olivia won first prize at her Halloween party at Hard Rock Cafe, she exchanged the original 20 litres of beer for 200 buckeroos worth of F&B vouchers! And then, I actually met Mark, and then Avis and Maddie at Balmoral! He's become somewhat of a regular at my downstairs hair dresser. Doesn't make much sense if you ask me since he lives in Tampines, but I like the idea. If it ain't broken don't fix it.
Perth Sweetie made this for me, using nothing but MSN HANDWRITING TOOL! How uber is that!
For some silly reason I broke 4 damn guitar strings today!
